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Where to find a good husband or wife

A good husband or wife can be found anywhere but I’ll attempt to give you some guidance on this challenging question regardless of age: 20, 30, 35, 40 or 50 plus.

For example, my mother met my father on a taxi ride while out and about! And by reasonable/christian standards, I’d say my father was a good husband till he passed on to glory.

Many factors that contribute to finding the right husband or wife, so in addition to all of the wisdom presented to you, my strongest position is to continually pray that you will be at the right place at the right time on your life’s journey. – Ecclesiastes 9:11

Before you set off on your search, you should personally define “what a good husband” means and then develop a list of “solid filters” that will help you recognize one.

Common places where couples meet

YouGov.com did a survey in 2020 about common places where couples meet and I’ve adapted a few ideas (not arranged with any priority):

  1. School.
  2. Place of Worship
  3. Through Friends & Family
  4. Bar/club
  5. Workplace
  6. While Out and About
  7. Others (off-line)
  8. Met Online

Keep in mind that the place you meet matters. A study at the Univ of Chicago showed different levels of marital satisfaction depending on the place where you meet (specific to offline). Here’s a summary:

  • High marital satisfaction: Schools, Growing up together, social gatherings, places of worship.
  • Low levels of marital satisfaction: Bars/clubs, work and blind dates.

In my case, I met my wife at school.

3 Key Advantages we all need

When I look back, I believe college offered me 3 key advantages:

  1. A wide range of potential young women to choose from which in turn increased my odds of finding a match. (Hundreds of women tightly packed within a small radius).
  2. Gave access to like-minded women who share similar values and interests with me. (found mine at campus church).
  3. Allowed time to develop quick intimacy in relationship. (e.g spontaneous visits to her hostel or studying together at night).

The key takeaway isn’t consider college to find a wife but to recognize those venues/places that will offer you these key advantages.

Once you do, plan your life so that you naturally spend time and meet women at those places.

If you forget anything from this article, don’t forget those 3 keys.

Wherever you are in life, if you remain attentive, life will somehow offer you those advantages in some form or manner or in some cases you may need to think out-of-the-box and be open-minded.

This leads me to my next point.

Be Open-Minded

The rise in the internet has transformed the way people do things: work, shop, study, communicate.

60 years ago, online dating was down on the list due to social stigma but by 2010, data shows that online dating rose from bottom to 1st place in America as shown by Stanford University study here.

Just look at the 2020 Lock-down as an example. Wasn’t it a huge disadvantage to those searching?

Shouldn’t online be part of your overall strategy for finding someone?

In the past, I was skeptical of buying groceries online, but today, I’ve wholeheartedly subscribed to Amazon Fresh!

Trust is the main issue, but research show success with online dating these days.

University of Florida study shows marriages that began on-line, when compared with those that began through traditional off-line venues, were slightly less likely to result in a marital break-up (separation or divorce) and were associated with slightly higher marital satisfaction among those respondents who remained married.

With some caution, common sense, coaching, I believe you MUST consider a reputable online service to find one’s good match.

Out-Of-The Box Thinking.

Once upon a time, I had a friend who dated a few men within a small town and all the men did not fit her requirements.

She later realized that the geographic area didn’t offer a sizable number of men.

So out-of-the-box thinking, in this case, was to relocate. And when she moved to a bigger city (through a job transfer), she got married quicker than expected.

Sometimes, it just a matter of exposing yourself to a larger number of suitors.

It’s all about Numbers

Earlier, I mentioned how college offered access to a large number of women.

I call it the Law of Numbers.

The Law of Numbers in this context just means that the larger the number of “target people” in your circle, the easier it will be to find a husband.

Do everything reasonable within your power to expand your the number of people in your circle.

You will want to explore and spend a huge percentage of your time in those places or circles where the kind of men you desire would normally congregate.

My friend’s example shows the power of numbers but I’ll make another illustration:

Imagine you are in your 30s but you attend a church that is mostly for seniors in their 60s, would it be easy to find a husband? My first instinct is that chances are Low.

Of course God works in mysterious ways and it’s possible your spouse might surface from the network of these seniors. E.g their children or children’s friend etc.. but it is better to be proactive than wait.

The key idea is to put in the effort to expose yourself to the right circle. The more exposure to your target age group, the easier it will be to find a suitor.

Final Thoughts on finding a good spouse

Keep yourself occupied doing what you love: your constant dedication to a place of worship, seriousness at School, or work, etc. That way, the thought of finding a husband doesn’t worry you.

When worry builds up over time, it leads to desperation.

And it’s desperation that leads to choosing any woman or man that appears.

I encourage you to do all you can to stay positive and hopeful while concentrating on the other life goals you have on mind.

Now that you’ve read to the end, it’s my turn to hear from you I’d appreciate if you could leave a comment.